King-Size Sleep

Some people are not manufactured for royal treatment. They have the mental premise of a peasant and are happiest in their tiny world.

I always thought I had a crooked spine by birth since I could never sleep comfortably and straight on any bed without compressing myself on either side. Waking up with the wrist folded at a creepy angle, or with some tingling and some sense-less parts of my body is the only morning routine I ever followed. 

 My mother offered to build a new bed for me. That scared the daylights out of me. What if that bed too, refused to host my crooked back? Mum will then recite for my entire life how I trashed a custom-made, top-notch bed with my tantrums.     

Nope, I don’t want another sin on my conscience.

So at home, I sleep on my yoga mat on the floor. They are perfect. Try curling up on a yoga mat, and the sudden touch of the cold floor jolts you awake. They tame my usual tendency to curve into a ball in my sleep and wake up to a sore neck or a pulled muscle. 

But when I shifted to Goa for the first time, my worst fear came alive. There was a huge king-size bed that occupied three-quarters of the room. I hadn’t carried my yoga mat there. Also, sleeping on the floor seemed hazardous in Goa. I had just seen a frog jump into my gallery on the third floor. Weird insects would fly into my house and never attempt to leave. The floor wasn’t a healthy option. 

For the first 15 days, I struggled with the royal bed business. I couldn’t let go of sleeping on the extreme right edge of the bed – so extreme that if a breeze blew at night, I would tumble to the floor.  The following day, I’d wake up to see the bedsheet lines perfectly smoothened, except on the right edge. The magnanimous bed made me feel petty and like an utter failure in the morning, so I kept my laptop, notes, books, water bottle, etc., next to me, on the bed.

Sleeping on the bed comfortably was more difficult than fighting my entire family for my freedom. 

 I had to become brave if I wanted to get a few hours of good sleep. I must tackle this royal bed conflict like a courageous daughter of the Maratha land. I must accept the royal treatment even if it takes every ounce of strength I have in the vertebrae of my spinal cord. 

After all, I had earned it. I had quite literally run out of my house, fighting all the family drama single-handedly. I deserved royal treatment. I was worthy. Standing in front of the mirror, I  convincingly repeated these affirmations at least 5 times a day. It took me another fortnight to truly believe in my monologue.

When I had almost resigned to my peasant mentality, I found a solution. I decided to sleep diagonally on the vast square bed. Before going to bed, I sang a goodnight prayer, promising myself to sleep in Shavasana and thanking God for the gift of a large bed to sleep in.  Also, I didn’t have to keep stuff on the bed, as the triangles on either side wouldn’t be enormously empty to demotivate me in the morning. If I still curl up in my sleep, it will be at the heart of the bed and not in some neglected corner.

That worked like a charm. After a lot of practice and patience, I could sprawl on the bed and sleep peacefully. I could live the royal treatment. I felt worthy.

Finally, I could enjoy a king-size bed without any king on it. I was a self-sufficient, happy queen on a king’s bed.