The Sophie Turner- Joe Jonas Divorce: An Indian’s Worry

As an Indian I am worried. Fingers-in-my-mouth worried. 

I am worried about the outcomes of the Sophie Turner-Joe Jonas divorce.

Let me tell you already. I listened to few Jonas Brothers songs, but I am far from being a Jonas Fan. I haven’t seen Game of Thrones, so I am also not a Sophie Turner fan. But I am an Indian. And our desi girl, Priyanka Chopra married into that house. Sophie and Joe are her sister and brother-in-law. So no matter what, the Jonas household is our family now. 

Sometimes I wonder how things might be, in the tightly knit Jonas household- All three brothers with wives, kids, parents, and the helper staff  living in one big house with a huge chandelier hanging in the living room. Joe and Sophie fighting in low voices so that the parents don’t get hurt. Priyanka running behind her daughter and accidentally hearing  the trouble in the middle room paradise and going-’oh oh’. 

No, of course, I don’t imagine this! I don’t watch Ekta Kapoor serials. I know that more than 4 humans in one American house is defined as an illegal crowd ganging up to create chaos. The Jonases are an American Joint Family, not Indian.

When the divorce news broke out amidst the JoBro concert, it was quite a surprise. All three wives are cheering for their respective husbands while the second brother is getting a divorce? Won’t it be a bad reputation for the concert? But decoding the grief language of celebrities is difficult.  Joe is having a nice bro time at sunset while his lawyers send out a divorce notice. His baby bro, Nick is prepping for the concert. Our P.C is trying all sorts of fun activities. God knows, what the eldest brother is doing to maintain an oblivious front. 

Next, I hear that Sophie is a party animal, and Joe is a homebody, which is a major reason for the wreck. The woman, in her budding twenties,  produced 2 kids in 4 years. She deserves all the parties she got in her non-pregnant times.  Besides, assuming her party buddies are in England, how much of a party animal can she be? 

And about Joe Jonas being an indoor panda- well, his best buddies are his brothers who are also his co-workers to produce music. What reason does he have to leave the house?

The news felt so wrong.

A couple days later, a video of teenage Taylor on Ellen’s show started making rounds.  Joe Jonas had broken up with her on the phone in under 20 seconds, when they were 18. News is Sophie got to know Joe filed a divorce through the media. So the guy hasn’t updated his teen break-up methods yet. 

I am a Swiftie. I have spent a lot of my work time, decoding her songs, deducing the heartbreaker in each song,  and watching all her interviews. She  is a badass. Taylor immediately takes the hurt Turner on dinner dates. She makes her song lyrics come true- ‘Picture me thick as thieves with your ex-wife’.

As someone of experience, Taylor only has to sing her own song’s lyrics to comfort Sophie on their dinner dates- 

I don't start shit but I can tell you how it ends

Don't get sad, get even

She dressed in red and black for the dinners so she ain’t wrong with that last line.

 I thought Selena Gomez would join too, but she dated the youngest Jonas who’s a good one. 

These adult children play brutally. I could picture Joe hiding the passports of his babies, in one of his smelly sock and hurl it under the closet which Sophie clearly couldn’t find. So she sues Joe, and he answers, ‘oh, the babies are not abducted.’ The court tells them to grow up and take some parenting classes. 

Seems like Priyanka intimidates both the sisters-in-law with her global domination. Back to school again, are we? Where the teachers made the best kid with the highest academic grades as the monitor of the class and the competition is not very happy about it. Sophie unfollows just PC on Instagram, and vice versa.

Meanwhile, Priyanka posted a video of a goat standing on her back and reaching out for the leaves of the tree. She successfully sidelined all the Jonases-in-news and teamed up with the lesser-known Jonas-Franklin, her toddler Jonas, Malti-Marie, and the  Jonas farm animals.

Priyanka Chopra Jonas is the real GOAT.