Venue– The living room. Time: 8 pm.
My mom, sister and I are sitting in the hall. My sister is reading a book on Chhatrapati Shivaji Maharaj by a new author. My mother is reading a Marathi book (Amrutvel by V.S Khandekar), and I am lying on the sofa, thinking Columbus was such a bookish weirdo.
My brother was born in the smartphone era. He has never practised the art of reading a book. So he concentrates on strengthening ties with his allies through advanced wireless communication.
Sister: This author says you shouldn’t judge Soyrabai (2nd wife of Shivaji Maharaj) for wanting her son to be crowned as the king. After all, she was just a mother looking out for her child. The film and this book have very different stories. What is the truth, after all?
Mum: (In her teacher tone) Historians state historical facts, but writers? They create a mountain out of a mole.
(I look up for no reason whatsoever.)
Mum: As for Soyrabai, it is history. You mustn’t judge history. And why just her? Kaikeyi did the same thing, didn’t she? She fought for her son to be the heir of the Ayodhya Kingdom, even though he was the youngest.
Sister: Kaikeyi who?
Me: She hasn’t read the Ramayana & Mahabharata.
I think Indians above 18 who don’t know Ramayana and Mahabharata shouldn’t be given an Aadhar card. If you don’t even know the basics, what kind of an Indian are you?
Mum: correct.
Mum (to Sis)– Go read our epics first, then read Shivcharitra. You’ll understand it better.
Me: Did you know Christopher Columbus refused to admit that he did not land in Asia when he discovered America? He was fond of books, and Marco Polo had stated that if one sets out on a western sea passage across the Atlantic Ocean, one would reach India. That is why America is named after Amerigo Vespucci and not Bechara Columbus. Amerigo said that place is ‘New World’, and not India.
Mum(to me): What did Agatha Christie write? When was she born?
Me: She wrote detective novels. Don’t know her birthday, but probably in the 1800s.
Mum: Hamlet’s mother ran away?
Me: I only read Othello. Shakespeare’s heroes act heroic throughout his books and then commit to utter foolishness in the end. My heart can’t handle that kind of tragedy.
Mum: In this book (Amrutvel) the girl has graciously brought her friend home, and now that friend has developed feelings for the girl’s husband.
Sister: Anyone can fall in love with anyone at any time – married or unmarried.
She looks at me, probably for validation. But I am intelligent. I do not openly state my opinions on explosive matters like this. I am already an established brat in the family; no need to make matters worse. However, I do wonder what made my sister state such an unholy opinion so bravely.
Hmmm.
Sister: Listen to this- a man abused a woman in Chattrapati’s era. He was so afraid that Shivaji Maharaj would now cut off his hands and legs that he died of a heart attack.
Mum (to me)– We are reading about 400-year-old tales today. 100 years down from now, people should know how life in the non-digital nineties was. You should write books about this instead of writing for that nonsense social media and Instagram…
Me: You think people will read books after 100 years?
Sister: She always has to act over-smart. Just write the damn book, can’t you?
Sister: Shahaji (Shivrai’s father) wanted Soyra to marry Shivaji Maharaj just because he didn’t attend his son’s first marriage.
(At this point, triggered by the mention of ‘marriage’, Dad drops in from nowhere.)
Dad: What’s the point if you don’t get married at the right time? We have done all our duties as parents, and you children can’t even do one job of getting married.
( This, I know has nothing to do with 400-year-old history. It’s a present-day statement, clearly aimed at me)
This marks the end of history in our household. The real world, where our tummies rumble for dinner, is back in the picture. It’s business as usual.
All disperse…
Moral of the Episode: Any topic in family discussions can end on that one particular thing you didn’t do (in this case, my marriage)
Tip: If there exists the phenomenon of re-birth, I urge you to take my advice. Don’t be born to parents who are teachers. More importantly, don’t be the eldest one. Also, ‘eldest’ and a ‘girl’ is a deadly combination.
Consider yourself warned.
