Arranged Marriage

If your parents are stuck in the 1940s, and you are the product of the 90s, brace yourself. Your life IS difficult. I hear you. I understand you. 

Assuming that you are already familiar with the ‘kaandepohe’ process of arranged marriage, here’s a snapshot of the conversations. Mind you, this is a take on the process from a girl’s point of view. Boys, please don’t get offended. Elders, please accept us as we are. (In brackets is the chatter that goes on in the head.)

Scene 1

The boy’s side has come to the girl’s house, to see their future bride. The boy is with his parents. If it’s a close-knit family, his uncles, aunts, sisters and nephews may also come to watch the live show. The girl’s family has cleaned the house like never before and dressed up the girl in a way that even she won’t recognize herself.

Scene 2

For more than an hour, the boy’s family has been talking about their relatives and their heavenly ‘sanskari’ family with the girl’s parents. The girl’s parents too do the same. Both parties are happy when they know that people from both sides have led a boring but rules-abiding life.

Enter- The Girl.

Boy Side: (She can walk. Colour’s not as good as my son deserves though. Let’s see what happens ahead)

Boy’s parents: What is your name?

 (You came to my house. You planned this at least a week before. You trusted the water, tea and the kaandepohe that my parents offered to be worth consuming. Yet you don’t know my name.) The girl says her full name like it was taught to her when she started talking at the age of 2.

Boy side– What’s your education? Which school did you go to?

Girl– (Didn’t my parents mention it in my bio? Also how does it matter which school I went to?) I have completed Engineering in Electronics and Telecommunication. I graduated in 2015.

This answer has the potential to show how rude, arrogant and excessively proud the girl is, depending on her tone. 

Girl’s father: She was very intelligent in school. She got 92% in tenth. (The voice goes slowly on a decline because the girl didn’t keep up her grades after that!)

Data verified. Moving on.

Boy– what is your work profile?

Girl– (on the brink of another huge yawn.) I have been working as a consultant for 3 years in …. Company. I am hoping for a huge switch now. ( I am hoping I just disappear from here, and land up on a beach, in my swimwear. You can meet me there and know how cultured I am.)

At this point, the elders remind the girl that she too has the right to ask questions, because these are modern times. Everything will happen as per her will. No pressure at all. So for the sake of asking-

Girl: What do you do?

Boy side: ( okay, the girl can talk)

Boy: I am ………

The girl completely dissociates. She knows understanding else’s corporate job profile is a waste of time. She didn’t understand her own work for as long as one year. Her neck oscillates up and down methodically in agreement. Her eyes occasionally jump to the swaying lilies outside. There’s another yawn that she has successfully stifled. What’s really going on in her head- If only Severus Snape had more time after Harry Potter finally knew that Snape loved his mother deeply. 

Boy’s father: What is your office time?

 (Right. This is the most important question. What if our daughter-in-law comes at 11? When will she cook for us? We will only eat food that our beloved daughter-in-law cooks. Besides, what will our society say if she comes after dark?)

Well, I have a UK shift. I leave at 12.30 and come back at Eleve……….

Girl’s father: But her shift can be changed easily to 9-to-5. It’s not compulsory. One mail to the manager and it’s done. Now she’s at our house, so we let her do this shift.

Girl: Right. ( Daddy feels bad that I spend 3.5 hours in traffic and the rest 8 hours glued to the chair and I come home after dark.  Shame, shame)

Boy’s mother: (Enough of all this. Let’s talk the real deal) Can you cook?

Girl: (A sigh followed by a small smile) I can cook basic. Nothing too elaborate. I can cook enough to survive. (I am gonna keep this very real. Because I hate cooking. I am allergic to the smell of spices.)

Girl’s mum: (Of all the times, you have to be truthful now. No worries, you will learn everything once you get married and your in-laws are dying of hunger) Haha… She doesn’t get much time. But she does cook all kinds of food really well.

Boy: ( if he becomes too comfortable by now. Otherwise his mother continues) And do you cook non-veg?

Girl: ( the rebel in her slowly craning its neck and raising its head now) I don’t even go in the kitchen when non-veg is being cooked. I only eat non-veg because there are only potato and paneer options in vegetarian food. 

Boy side: ( utterly disappointed. Our weekends are ruined. What do we do with just her money? We need our daughter-in-law to cook non-veg feast at least on weekends)

There’s a silence now. All the details necessary to live a married life have been discussed. Now it’s just a matter of yes and no.

Boy: ( oh, wait I have a question!) Do you have any hobbies? (it’s good if you don’t have one. You can help me maintain mine.)

Girl: ( why bother?) I used to read, but now it is on a decline though… ( making it simple for you already). I like to travel sometimes.

Girl’s father: (why say that? Why put us down to shame like this? What will they think if they know their girl wastes money by going on trips and tours with strangers and sometimes entirely alone? This is not how cultured girls behave. We allow you because you don’t listen to us. But that’s not acceptable to do as a wife and daughter-in-law)

Boy: Oh, even I love to travel a lot! ( yay, we match!)

Girl: (in forced curiosity) Where have you travelled till now?

Boy: (in a very happy tone) Every now and then, I travel to Goa with my friends. On long weekends, you will surely find us there.

Girl: (yeah, I know those kinds of trips. Beach and booze. Does that even count as travel?) Oh wow, great! (please don’t ask me where I have been.)

Boy’s father: (I must ask the most important question) What are your expectations from our boy? (After all, these are modern times, even girls have expectations now)

Girl’s father: We’ve raised our daughter to take her career seriously. But she’s very talented. She can look after her house also. She knows compromises are necessary. Family life is more important than anything.

Girl: (oh, when did we have that conversation?)

The boy and girl’s side start talking some more about family background and all. The girl doesn’t understand a single thing they are talking about. She takes her cue to dissociate freely and watches the lilies outside with a straight face.

Scene 3

Judging by her restless tapping of feet, visible disinterest her on face and eyes fixated somewhere outside, her mother asks the boy’s side if she can go now, provided there are no further questions to be asked.

The boy side does a favour to the girl by granting her permission to leave.

Girl: (Oh, thanks heaven. Show time is over. Saved by the lily.)

The yawns that she was stifling for so long are all gone as she gets up to leave. She goes to the bedroom, gets out of  that traditional saree,  stretches hard and is already wiping off the memory of that afternoon.